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[[Deep Within Morpheus Creation]]

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[Oct. 6th, 2008|02:06 pm]
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oh mary im sorry i wrote a fucking journal entry in yours lol... i didnt even realize how long it was until i posted it and i jsut wanted to delete it from the embarressment of writing so much adn feeling like i made it all about me when i wasnt meaning it like that


adn god the thoughts are turning against me so bad lately



i dont know why.


i feel useless, worthless, disgusting, unwanted


i dunnos why. I was up all night thinking about everything chris has said and it jsut broke me down so bad. Im such a chaotic person and he's such a neat freak that it can be really hard to live with him sometimes.

first of all... i miss color. i miss being surrounded by beauty and pretty things that took away all the sadness from the outside... i miss feeling like i was in a garden dreamworld
heres some pictures from my old room




now with chris its all white walls... with the occasional blakc and white poster of scarface or pulp fiction, black leather couches...

and not much decoration at all... its so stark and bleak, and..... empty.... i hate empty... it makes me feel empty inside nad i hate that

but chris doesnt want me to make the place pretty to live in... hes willing to hang up the pictures tha ti paint but thats it


:/


im thinking about asking vicki to start me up some plants so that we will at least have green in teh house... i miss how my ivy used to be so tall adn wrap around my canopy and then she died and is less than a foot tall now :(


then im a total mess... all my clothes are all over the floor and chris keeps telling me to pick it up but i forget about it everyday


i dunnos

the thoughts are stopping so i guess ill leave now
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: [info]empty_party
2008-10-06 10:29 pm (UTC)

(Link)

Aw, sweetie, your reply helped a lot! I feel so happy to know there's someone out there who can relate to me. ♥

I'm sorry about this, your old room is so pretty and happy... Plants are good... Can you reserve just one room in your place to put anything you want in?

♥

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